So here's the deal: The Bear River is the biggest source of water for The Great Salt Lake, which is quickly drying up. Utah legislators can't seem to figure out why the lake may go dry, or maybe they are just not saying. See no evil, speak no evil.
Farms in southern Idaho and northern Utah are sucking the Bear dry to grow alfalfa that is mostly shipped to China. But hay, Chinese cattle have to eat and Utah farmers, or their corporate overlords, need those big Chinese bucks. And get this: Agriculture is considered a beneficial water use (for China?), but allowing appropriated water to return to its natural flow is not.
Not to worry—Utah lawmakers have bucked up $40 million to find solutions to offset the pretzel logic and historic drought. New legislation would fund conservation organizations to "improve flows," which will be a good trick since the West is in a 30-year drought and is now dryer than it has been for 1,200 years (No shit). But don't tell lawmakers—they could get confused, like they did when they found out that teaching Critical Race Theory would make their kids gay.
Meanwhile, the fragile ecology of the lake is in danger right now. Well, as Gov. Spencer Cox said recently: "Pray for rain." Voila! Problem solved.
How to Get Along with MAGA Republicans 1—When a conservative Republican says critical race theory (CRT) will poison the minds of white kids, you say, "That's Darwinian, isn't it? Or was it Dante?" 2 —When a MAGA-hat wearing guy says vaccinations are a ploy by the government to track our movements and steal our freedom, you respond with, "You know, I have been feeling a bit strange lately." 3 —When a woman in camouflage pants says that Biden stole the election, you nod and say, "Some things never change." 4—When the dude on the end of the bar says Jan. 6 was no big deal, you hold up your glass and say,"Here's to better insurrections." 5—When the woman in line at the grocery store wearing the "I Want My Country Back" T-shirt says Trump was the greatest president ever, you cough loudly just before you say, "Bullshit," as if you were still coughing. 6—When the guy buying wood screws at the hardware store says liberals hate America, you say, "Those haters. I heard they broke into the Capital wearing Trump and Giuliani masks." 7 —When the dude in the hunting vest at the gun counter in Walmart says that the way things are going, we won't have any freedoms left, you say, "Yeah man. It might be time to move to Ukraine for real freedom."
Utah to Outdoor Retailers: Up Yours What is wrong with the organizers of the Outdoor Retailers Show (OR). All Utah did was tell them God gave us this land to do whatever we pleased and they freaked out. OR wanted the state to: end legal efforts and lobbying for the sale of federal lands to states; end efforts to shit-can the Antiquities Act; stop trying to reduce Bears Ears National Monument; and basically quit screwing with nature. In 2017, after 20 years in Utah, OR packed up it's $56 million-per-year show and waved goodbye as lawmakers did everything but flip them the bird.
But it's a new day with a new governor who is inviting them back, even while pushing to reopen national monuments to drilling. Gov. Spencer Cox's overture to OR was like something you'd get from your ex-mother-in-law: "We were told OR leaving would be the end of the world, that our economy would crash, businesses would never move here ... But none of that happened and we didn't miss them at all." So, nah, nah, na nanah.
Nonetheless, two dozen outdoor industry companies promised to boycott if OR returned to Utah—to which Cox retorted, "That sort of boycott will do nothing to change any policy in Utah. Not even an inch." So take that, outdoor recreationists, and hang it where the moon don't shine.
Postscript—Alright Olympics fans, that'll do it for another week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of doping in sports so you don't have to. The Russians are definitely on a roll—they were banned from the Olympics for two years by the World Anti-Doping Agency. But their athletes competed anyway, wearing gear emblazoned with ROC—Russian Olympic Committee.
The hits just keep on coming—Kamila Valieva, the 15-year-old Russian figure skater who was favored to win gold, tested positive for a banned substance and everyone went nuts except the Russian coaches, who looked to be on valium or ibogaine. In the meantime, Vladimir Putin massed 190,000 troops on the Ukrainian border and then invaded eastern breakaway regions, saying things like Ukraine has always been part of Russia. Of course we'll bitch about Putin's mendacity, but given Trump's stature on the world stage regarding NATO and Russia, as well as the U.S. invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq, it might look a bit rich to some.
Anyway, Wilson and the band think the Olympic histrionics were just a distraction for folks like Tucker Carlson, who have been backing Russia, rather than Ukraine, and Fox News viewers who need not worry about a tinsy-tiny invasion and war in Europe.
Well Wilson, we can't blame Kamila Valieva's for testing positive after her coaches spiked her Cheerios with performance-enhancing drugs. She's 15 for cryin' out loud! So wake up the band and play us out with something for Kamila and everyone who has walked in those moccasins, or skates, whatever:
All I can ever be to you Is a darkness that we knew And this regret I've got accustomed to Once it was so right When we were at our height<
Waiting for you in the hotel at night
He walks away/The sun goes down He takes the day/But I'm grown And in your way/In this blue shade My tears dry on their own
I don't understand Why do I stress the man When there's so many bigger things at hand We could a never had it all We had to hit a wall So this is inevitable withdrawal
I wish I could say no regrets And no emotional debts 'Cause as we kiss goodbye the sun sets So we are history The shadow covers me The sky above Ablaze that only lovers see
He walks away/The sun goes down He takes the day/But I'm grown And in your way/In this blue shade My tears dry on their own... "Tears Dry On Their Own"—Amy Winehouse
Citizen Revolt: Week of September 15
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